Essay Test: Running , Writing, and Being

Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

The following essay was submitted to highly selective colleges and universities in response to the Common Application prompt .

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I need to narrow down my choices. After an entire day’s work, my software still suggests twenty teachers for a substitute lesson. I need it to suggest only one. If only I could make this software work, my vice-principal would not have to miss his breakfast over assigning substitutions to teachers.

I get an impulse. “Could you please stop the bus? I need to get off.”
The bus conductor looks puzzled. Just a few minutes ago, I paid him enough fare to take me another five miles.
“Your stop is still a long way away.” He answers me, unsure whether I just mistook another place for my stop or I really wanted to get off.
“Yeah, I know. I just need to get off.” I tell him with a smile.

He is not convinced but he bangs the door anyway, a local signal for the driver to stop the bus. Since I get off early, he tries to return me the extra fare. I signal him to keep it. Good Karma makes me happy. He gives me a smile. The bus leaves. I take a deep breath and start to run.

I start slow. This will warm me up and prepare me for the miles ahead. A few months back, I decided to learn Ruby On Rails, a computer programming platform. I started slow. A couple of screencasts. A few articles. Code Academy lessons. I got the basics.

I am warmed up now. I increase my pace. That’s the whole point of running: always strive to get better. I looked for books on Ruby On Rails. In just a month, I had my own mini version of twitter. Michael Hartl, your book is wonderful. Thank you.


The road is uphill. More fun today. I am going to get stronger. I started a few projects on Ruby On Rails. Library Management. Result Processing. Election Information Portal. The ideas kept getting more sophisticated. I kept learning and getting stronger.

There are no bicycles around today. It would have been lovely to race with one. Always guarantees a good run. I believe a college will do the same for me: encourage a race, push me harder and guarantee me some fun. That has to wait though.

The final half mile now. I input all my energy. I focus. I run.

The run is complete. I take a bath. I do not wash the shirt though. I keep it for later. It always makes me proud to see it drenched in sweat. It is the measure of my labor. I hang the shirt outside and get into my room. I just ran five miles. How did I even do that? Am I simply very strong and very fast? Maybe I am. Maybe I am not. I don’t know about that but I know one thing for sure about me. I always take the next step, even when it seems impossible. That is what got me here. So, I turn on my computer again. I need to narrow down my choices.

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Rate this essay from 1-5 with 5 being the best. What rating did you give it and why?

Do you think you have learned something important about this student? If so, what is it?

Do you admire this student? Why or why not?

If the information in the rest of the essay let you know this student lived in Palo Alto, California would this shape your response to this essay? If so, how? If not, why not?

In fact, this student lives in Nepal. Does this information change the way you read the essay? Why or why not? 

Since the information that the student lives and attends school in Nepal (the first photo shows the school the student attends)  has been given in other parts of the application does the student need to repeat that information in the essay? Why or why not?

Would this student add significant diversity to a college campus? What makes you think so?

Does this student ‘show’ us his world rather than ‘tell’ us about it?

Did this student answer the essay prompt? Why is this story central to his identity? Do you admire him?

Should we as readers interpret the running as a metaphor for abstract peronal qualities? Is this metaphorical approach effective? Why or why not?

Do the photos add to the essay? Should students be permitted to use images as part of the common Application responses? Why or why not?

Kathmandu