Essay Test: Hook, Line, and Spiders

The following essay was submitted to selective colleges and universities in response to the Common Application prompt:

Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.

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It’s been a whole day since Alex escaped. I wonder if he will crawl into my bed tonight when I turn off the lights. By the way, Alex is one of my good eight-legged friends.

Parents often tell children that tarantulas are monsters from their nightmares. But, as someone who has 20, I promise they’re as adorable as puppies.

My fascination with tarantula dates from the two years of elementary school I spent in Texas. We had a science lab where iguanas, snakes, and tarantulas were class pets, and I took care of the tarantulas. They looked like hairy monsters that might strike any time, but as time passed, I fell in love with these creatures with tiny eyes, downy legs, and versatile spinnerets. They changed my perspective towards creatures with divergent appearances.

When I asked my parents about having one as a pet, they told me my choices were dogs, cats, or hamsters: “No bugs or reptiles.” So I had to sneak my first tarantula home. When my mom discovered him, I was shocked by her reaction: “You feed and take care of it. You are to take full responsibility of what happens. If it escapes and bites you, don't cry to me!”

Living with these furry creatures is completely different from the experience of feeding them in the lab. As my collection of tarantulas grew, I spent a lot of time watching them weave webs. They move their abdomens and wiggle their two little spinnerets to spin webs. Wherever they reach, a silver gossamer decorates the dull vivarium. No matter size or color, each of them works like an architect, designing and building their unique kingdom. However, social media keeps on emphasizing their sharp teeth and quick attacks, creating a petrifying impression and leaving them nearly universally misunderstood.

At one point, I felt like a tarantula. When I first told people about my bisexuality, I became the object of fear and recipient of hurtful jokes. There were a few friends that supported me, but the majority joked around and chose to isolate me with comments like: “She’s half gay!”. I tried to metamorphose myself from an arachnid to a generic standard student. Although this saved me from further discrimination, it was exhausting being someone I wasn’t.

I once took the risk and put my hand next to Alex, and that was the first time we shook hands. I was trembling, afraid that he might plant his fangs into my skin. One step at a time, he clinched on to my skin and slowly moved forward. Each step he took itched, but my fear disappeared as he climbed up. He didn’t bite or dash away, but rather enjoyed strolling on my arm. One step at a time, he led me out of my shadow, teaching me to walk in my own pace and give others the time to know me. It takes time to fight against stereotypes, but it shouldn’t be the excuse for me to hide under webs and change my personality. Gradually, I accepted my identity and decided to be proud rather than afraid of showing my real self.

During my last internship, I brought one of my hairy friends to work and the kids loved him. “I’ve never seen a real tarantula! It’s actually adorable!” I guess the reason why so many people are full of dread about tarantulas is because they accepted ideologies from those who are petrified by them without doubting or questioning the sources, and they have never had the chance to say “Hi” to these ‘monsters’.

Oh yes, in case you’re worried, I found Alex spinning his web on my tennis racket. I guided him onto my hand and led him back to his kingdom. I hope to lend a helping hand to people who have been limited by harmful stereotypes, so they can spin their own beautiful web of words.

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Rate this essay from 1-5 with 5 being the highest. What rating did you give it and why?

What three words would you use to describe this student?

Does this essay have an effective hook (“a thing designed to catch people's attention”)?

Would someone who hates spiders think this student is weird? Should students avoid topics that others think are too unconventional?

If you were this student's parent would you have let her raise tarantulas?

If you are a student would your parents let you raise tarantulas or do something else unconventional?

Should she avoid mentioning her bisexuality for fear of being discriminated against?

Would this student add diversity to a college or university and if so should this be a significant factor in the admission process?

Where is this student from?

Would knowing where the student was from and the race of student alter how you might read this essay? Are you sure?

If English is not the student’s first language should the admission essay be evaluated differently? Why or why not? Should scores on the verbal section of standardized tests like the SAT or ACT be expected to be as high as scores of native speakers? If no, would it surprise you that students from some countries must have significantly higher verbal scores than students born and raised in the US in order to be offered admission to very highly selective colleges and universities?

Would you want to this student to be your roommate? With or without tarantulas?

I would like to thank Diana for letting me post her essay here.