The following essay was submitted to a highly selective
University.
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Newton North High School and Brookline High School have been
mortal foes for well over 100 years. The rivalry has bred many packed sports
games, and too many fights. At Newton North our football team sets out during
pre-season with one goal. It’s not to win the state championship, or even to
have a winning season. No, it’s to beat Brookline on Thanksgiving. What I am
trying to explain here is that I have been raised to despise anybody from
Brookline. So it was with no small anxiety that I looked forward to spending a
whole week with a group of them.
I went with a group of kids from the Brookline Cross Country team
to a training camp in the Rocky Mountains in Colorado last summer. Most of them
were strangers to me. When I arrived at the airport and met everybody from
Massachusetts going to the camp, I quickly realized that half of them were from
Brookline. I had only ever had a conversation with two out of the forty or so
kids. Introducing myself to all of them was difficult especially because they
knew I was a Newtonite. It was uncomfortable for us all. Surprisingly, however,
before we even arrived in Colorado, I had already met and talked to most of
them. We quickly got over the rivalry and noticed how much we all had in
common. |
| Brookline |
It was early to tell, but I felt as though I had already made some
new friends. When we arrived, I discovered that there were others from all
around the country. After befriending some of my rivals, however, the task of
getting to know the others became less daunting. Throughout the week I found
that I was able to be myself. By the end not only had I returned home with a
lot of new friends, but completely forgot about the age old rivalry that
separated us in the first place.
 |
| Newton |
Since the trip, I noticed that I now feel far more comfortable
when meeting new people. I have learned to be myself and not worry what other
people think of me. My success in befriending my would-be enemies has given me
the confidence I expect I will need in college. I hope to use at Richmond the
insights I brought home from Colorado; New friends, more confidence, and a
great experience. All of which should allow me to get down to the more important
business at hand – absorbing a first rate education.
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Questions
Rate this essay from 1-5 with 5 being the highest. What rating did
you give and why?
Is the writer male or female? How do you know? Should this make
any difference in your assessment?
Does an essay about a rivalry with another town make for a good
essay topic? Why or why not?
What personality traits have you learned about this student?
Does this essay show or tell or do a some of both? Support your
answer with examples.
Do you think the student is prepared for a first rate education?
Why or why not?
How important should essays be in the evaluation process for
selective admission? Should they ever be more important than testing or grades?
Can you give an example?
If this student came from a first generation blue collar
background would this alter your reading of the essay?
If this student were from a highly educated family with both
parents having successful careers would this alter your reading of the essay?
If you found out this student was going to be your roommate would
you be happy?
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I would like to thank Justin for letting me post his essay here.
The essay and other admission information from Justin is available on the
website admitsee.com for a small
fee. I am grateful to the author and to admitsee for letting me post the essay
here for free.
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