Feel Good Friday? How about every day? Advice that will get you there

Want a Feel Good Friday? I can almost guarantee that if you read the words Sean Means shares here you will not only feel good but you will also learn of few secrets to success in education and in life. He is one of the more remarkable people I have met in my over 30 years in education.

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Questions

Can you tell us a little about yourself-- your family--your mother, siblings etc. Where did you grow up and where did you go to high school?

Well, my name is Sean Means. I am 18 years old. I like to read, play football, play chess, and debate. I like listening to music and just walking and observing the world around me. I can be quite focused and driven and stale at times, but if you give me a chance I will grow on you, hopefully. I have a younger brother, Christian, and a younger sister, Logan. We were raised by our mother, LaTisha, who has been a critical support system in my life. We were raised mostly in Memphis, TN before we moved to Charlottesville about two years ago. In Memphis I went to a school named White Station High School and here I went to Monticello High School.

When you were younger were you always curious and always pushing yourself to learn and to be a help to your mom and siblings? 

Since I was little my focus has been on learning all that I could. I really like learning and so PBS and the library were and still are two of my favorite things. From an early age I knew that I wanted to be able to help my mom and alleviate some of the pressure that was in our lives. The way I could do that was to do my best in school, to get an education, and to make something of myself, while at the same time helping out where I could at home.

Do you have role models or heroes?

Like many, my mom is one of my role models. I don’t know if I really have heroes. I understand the burden that has been put on others before me and so I see them all as my heroes. Moreover my heroes change depending on how I feel and what I am focusing on. There are people like Gandhi, the freedom riders, my teachers, past presidents, Charlie Rose, I really like his reporting and his show, and countless others that just influence my decisions, my thinking, and my life whether through direct or indirect contact. Sometimes I am just inspired by a person in my class who has overcome struggles or has just done better than me on something. People in general, I guess are my heroes and role models: a pretty open and vague answer I know, but nonetheless it is the truth.

You seem, from all I have read, to be pretty low key about your accomplishments, activities and exceptional academic achievements. How do stay humble given all you have done?

That is the thing, I see that I have done a lot I guess, but to me it seems pretty normal. My family and my faith are anchors and I try to look to them both when I am lost. Yet for me in general, I look at my success and accolades as reassurance that I am on the right path, and so while they are milestones, they are just those milestones. I have to keep growing and keep moving forward and that drive for self-improvement I believe keeps me humble. Moreover I know people are watching me and I want to show them that if they try they can be just like me if not better and my humility I hope keeps me on the same level as everyone else.

How do you balance all that you do without stressing out?

It is a constant struggle. I find myself constantly writing in a planner and constantly thinking about what I have to do. I try not to focus too hard on my to-do lists because if I do I know it would be harder to finish anything. The best thing for me to do is be disciplined when planning, enjoy the moment, and sometimes just work through the stress because not finishing something will just cause more stress.

I was lucky enough to spend a day at you your school this fall and sat in on an AP English class you were in. I have known your teacher for many years (back when she was a student) and saw how she helped guide the discussion of Lord of the Flies. She is clearly a gifted teacher. But what I also saw that day was the great respect students showed each other in their comments toward one another. You contributed some great insights but also complimented others on what they said. I guess the question I have is do you think the great chemistry of the class results more from the teacher the students, the subject matter or a mix of all of these?

I would have to say it is a mix of all three. If a teacher cannot facilitate such a discussion or inspire respect from the class it is a real uphill battle for control. Yet the subject matter must also be interesting sparking the students’ interests. The subject matter has to push students to think, yet at the same time not being too intimidating, which can isolate students. Moreover, students are a huge part in the whole experience. The various depths and life experiences that each student brings to the table is important, but more importantly there has to be a community where people encourage others and where disagreement are welcomed as a way to learn but not to belittle. The students and teacher have to make the class feel safe for all.

Sean

Have you always felt comfortable contributing to discussions?

Yes and no. Sometimes I have felt too comfortable with contributing especially when I was younger. I lacked restraint back then, and I believe that was at times detrimental to discussion because I could not grow from others opinions and sometimes others just did not want to speak. I think later on I became a little too quite trying to avoid conflict and to not seem like a know-it all. Yet over time, I think I have found a good balance and have gained skills that allow me to comfortably contribute without dominating the discussion.  

Would you be willing to share any of the essays you submitted to schools you applied to? 

Yes, I will attach my Common App Essay along with one of my W&M, UVA, Yale, and Stanford essays. (Parke’s note: I have posted his essays here and here along with some questions about them.)

Some people argue that leaders and scholars are born not made.  Do you agree with this statement?

I think sometimes people have innate qualities that could make them good leaders, yet I believe experience, teachings, and life help to mold and harness those qualities in order for a true leader or scholar to arise. I have found that nature and nurture are both critical because there are people that I have seen with the potential to be so much better than they are, yet without that support or just an extreme endurance to pull oneself up, they stumble and fall not reaching their full potential.

You are now in a situation where, even at a young age, you are a role model for others. Could you give a few pieces of advice for those who see your success and would like to follow you?

It is crazy when I think about myself being a role model. I don’t know, I still feel like ordinary me. Yet some advice that I would give is be yourself first and foremost and I don’t me that self you put on show for people or that tough exterior that you have to protect yourself. I mean be true to yourself and your goals. Don’t let people discourage you or tell you what you can and can’t do. I was told that I couldn’t keep getting good grades, that it would be almost impossible to get into Stanford, and that I would never be good at football and should just quit. However, I have proven them wrong.

Another piece of advice I would give is get an education and treasure it. Learning can be fun and it can be difficult, but it is your way to success. I know people emphasize a formal education with college and degrees, but I am saying get a good high school education and then move forward with your learning whether that is college, trade school, or apprenticeships. Never stop learning.

One more thing to remember is that no one is perfect and even if you stumble or fall flat on your face you can still pick yourself up and succeed. The limits to your success are only set by you, and while your path might be a little harder, a little more rugged, you can still overcome anything and can still succeed.  

I have some more advice, but I think the three points above are really important.

           

I have known Mike Mallory for decades. He is a wonderful person and I know he has been exceptionally impressed with you. Can you talk about what the Ron Brown Scholarship means to you?

            I have gotten this question a few times, and it is funny because my understanding of the program and its meaning to me has changed since I was first asked this. For me the Ron Brown Scholarship meant that I could go to college, even Stanford a school on the other side of the country without going into huge debt. The Ron Brown Scholarship also introduced me to a whole new world of people all moving forward and trying to excel against the statistical odds that surround people of color. Moreover, the Ron Brown program means support for me. It is a group that is with you for the rest of your life and is there for you in your high and low points. The program isn’t a fair-weather friend but is always there for you and the community that I have witnessed from this program has been quite meaningful.

Can you talk a bit about where you will be going off to school and what you plan to study? Do you have any short or long-term goals you would like to share?

            I will be heading off to Stanford University in California. I usually say it is about 45 minutes out from San Francisco. Right now I am interested in majoring in International Relations. I have been focused on this major for a few years due to my time in Model UN and my hope that a better understanding of the world would help me in life but also as a possible diplomat or advisor. I am not sure if this will remain my major, but I know my focus will stay in the humanities and social science areas. I hope to get all that I can out of Stanford. I hope to meet people who will challenge my thinking and help me grow as a student but more importantly as a person. My short-term goals are to acclimate well to my new surroundings during those first few weeks and to get the lay of the land down pack. Some long-term goals are to graduate with honors at the top of my class, have to keep the goals high, and to continue onto law school with the hopes of becoming a lawyer or possibly going into politics. My ultimate goal is to not get caught up in things that could lead me astray and to stay focused and to never lose sight of who I am in whatever I do and wherever I am. 

Is there anything else you want to add?

            I am no supreme intellect or above anybody. I am just a regular person that has worked hard and has been blessed by God with a few gifts that have helped me succeed. I truly believe if we each do our part and try our best to make the world better it will get better. There are two quotes that I go to-- one is by Gandhi that says “Be the change you wish to see in the world,” and the other is a piece from a poem by Marianne Williamson and it says, “Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, /but that we are powerful beyond measure. / It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.” I believe both these quotes and believe that they are good words to follow.

            I am not sure what life has in store for me, but I plan to face it with the same determination, will, and humility I have faced everything else. I believe all have the potential to succeed and if people put in the work and others work to help them, we as a whole will be that much better off.

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The Ethos of the Extraordinary is a phrase I picked up from a recent book on Plato. What does it mean? For over 2500 years people have understood that making a mark in the world is hard work. It means that those who want to get ahead have to have intelligence, grit, and set of people who can help draw out talent.

Sean’s words should serve as a template for those hoping to lead and extraordinary life.  He’s been lucky.  I say this knowing full well that he has had to overcome challenges that few heading off to the most selective university in the US have had.

He knows this too. But challenges don’t mean that the way forward is blocked. For some, challenges turn into positives to be overcome:

“You will come across obstacles in life— fair and unfair. And you will discover, time and time again, that what matters most is not what these obstacles are but how we see them, how we react to them, and whether we keep our composure. You will learn that this reaction determines how successful we will be
 in overcoming— or possibly thriving because of— them.” The Obstacle Is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph by Ryan Holiday

Sean’s internalized a world view recognizes that things are not always divided so easily into black and white both literally and figuratively. He discovered some of these deep insight himself but a lot of credit goes to his mentors.

His mother moved to a place where the school system would challenge her motivated son. Her willingness to stress education and the opportunities that ensue from doing well were more important than staying in place.  His mother helped instill a love of learning that comes across in every word here and in his admission essays too.

Sean is smart enough to know that this love comes both from the nurture he received from his mother and teachers and many others but also from his nature too. But I would say that a parent that tries to instill a love of learning early would have an immense effect on a child. Studies show this again and again.

But there is something special that Sean has that not all smart people do. He is teachable. This may sound odd, but I have met many very smart people who think they know more than most on the planet. They are over-confident and in need of some retraining. Sean recognizes that learning is an endless exciting adventure. He can learn from Gandhi or Charlie Rose of from students in his classes. He is open to learning. And that openness has served him well.

In the interview I mention a class I sat in on in which Sean said great things. I was lucky to be invited to attend the class by Shannon Wendling, his teacher. I have known her for many years first as a great university student (and a babysitter for my daughter) and then as a guest speaker to hundreds of parents and students on how to get the most out a university education and then on to her position as a prestigious Teaching Fellow at one of the best secondary schools in the UK. But she, like Sean, has always loved learning. And so she has returned to share her enthusiasm for teaching  and learning with the lucky students who get to take her classes at Monticello High School.

I asked Shannon if she might comment about what kind of students Sean has been:

Sean is one of those rare students who deeply wants to learn for the sake of learning itself.  The best example of this came recently, June 3rd, after he graduated from high school - after all requirements were checked off and formally printed in the form of a diploma.  Sean heard that I had invited a guest lecturer into my class to lecture on philosophy to the remaining non-senior students, who, unlike Sean, had not finished their academic year.  And so Sean came to class.  He sat in a desk, listening to the guest speaker's talk on Western Philosophy, absorbing the ideas and asking critical questions.  Then, once class as over, he left and joined his senior friends at the beach.  After all, he had earned it.

Indeed, Sean has earned everything he has been awarded.  He will no doubt continue to earn more at his next stop, Stanford University, in just a few weeks, and he will surely start where it is most natural:  by earning the unchecked respect of everyone he meets.  

Notes about Sean that may not be on his resume, since they happened late in the year: he won Monticello's Citizenship Award, one of our 'big three' awards given to seniors at the end of the year (given to the student who has the most positive impact on our school community) and the Social Studies Department Award (given to the top history student in the class).

The detail about Sean showing up just to lean speaks volumes about Sean but also about Shannon too. She earned his respect and his belief that she still had great things to teach. I have no doubt that Sean will continue to find great mentors in his classes at Stanford.

But Sean also will be mentored by some of the rising starts of the next generation. Sean is one of the few students selected to be a Ron Brown Scholar. For those not familiar with the program I encourage you to visit their website. The African American students who have been a part of this program are, like Sean, exceptional students who have overcome challenges. Each of them has demonstrated what the noted scholar Angela Lee Duckworth has called grit. They are the ones who see challenges as opportunities to grow. The book detailing their stories is available for free on Kindle

I have been very lucky to have been involved in the selection of the students over many yeas. In addition, I have been lucky that I have known the head of the foundation, Mike Mallory. Mike and I go back decades, and he too has quite a story of overcoming challenges. Since then, he has turned the Ron Brown Program into more than just a scholarship. He has been tireless in his pursuit of getting leaders in the US to mentor these students. He has the support of some of the biggest business leaders, faculty and administrators at some of the most prestigious colleges and universities, and many others in providing workshops, retreats, and many other forms of mentorship that will help these students reach their enormous potential.

Mike’s enthusiasm for life and learning are legend. I don’t know that I have ever seen him have a bad day. He works tirelessly for the program and for the students and this seems to give him even more energy. There are many merit scholarships that are offered at schools and through companies; however, a look at the book about the Ron Brown Scholars should convince you that this may well be the program that should be the subject of much research and study to determine how and why these students rise to the top. I hope to have an interview with Mike in the not too distant future so more can learn from his own story and his own passion.

Mike and Sean performing community service

In the meantime, I want to share Mike’s words about Sean. I know these two will be life-long friends and that both will continue to inspire others who care about access, opportunity, and learning:

“Sean Means is the ideal Ron Brown scholar. The selection committee immediately saw his wisdom, his concern for others, and his significant leadership potential. Sean has a strong sense of self and a commitment to social responsibility; these qualities, combined with his strong academic background and thirst for knowledge underscore the mark he will make in whatever field he ultimately decides to pursue. The Ron Brown Scholar Program needs more young people to follow in Sean Means’ footsteps. We hope to continue our efforts to find support from those who see the value that students like Sean can bring to improving the fabric of our country over the next generation.”

Finally, I would also like to thank Sean for the time and effort he put into this interview. It comes as no surprise that he would do such a great job, but I am lucky to know him and look forward t following his progress. He has inspired me and made my Friday great and my hope for the future more optimistic.