Essay Test: War Stories

The following essay was submitted to highly selective colleges and universities this past year.

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Common App Essay: Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?

I have failed every day of my life. It began at birth when I decided to stay in the womb a day or so longer and had to be surgically removed. It has proceeded up to today, when I realized deadlines were arriving and I hadn’t completed my essays. I fail quite often, but I have made a life out of it full of success. The main reason being, I have failed to see the limitations that have been set for me on account of the color of my skin.

The odds have never been in my favor. From birth I was dealt a hand that I could not fold and had to play. I am a black male born to a single black woman. Waging war against me are statistics, stereotypes, and deep seeded racial biases, and these militants I plan to fight through my success. I have failed to surrender to these militants because I am a fighter, an educated soldier waging war against the stereotypes that cling to my race.

For years I have been faced with racism and stereotypes, especially within the confines of an alleged safe haven, school. Yet as I entered my teenage years, it was more apparent to me how the black students in my high school were driven into the standard classes. It was even clearer to me that they got less of an education and were looked at as lesser people when compared to the white students. It angered me to see how low the standards were set for black students, but I was infuriated that if a black student like myself tried to do better, took the harder classes, and was articulate in discussions, the student failed to be black. I was "white." Or even worse, I was a black boy trying to act "white." It was as if "less than" was stamped on every black head at birth. Every black person was to be uneducated and inferior to the rest of white humanity, and I just have failed to accept such an invalid statement.

I am a black male, but that doesn’t mean I have to surrender and succumb to the stereotypes that surround my existence. In my life, I have been told too many times what I couldn’t do. I have been told too many times that I would not amount to anything because I was just a black boy trying to act "white." I have been told too many times that the color of my skin was more important than the thoughts in my head and the shape of my character.

Yet, I feel that I am just the right color to wage war.

Through my failures I have and will continue to succeed and rise above my circumstances. I understand the odds are still not in my favor, but I still fail to see my limits and fail to see any obstacle as unconquerable.

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Questions

Rate this essay from 1-5 with 5 being the highest. What rating did you give and why?

Did the first sentence surprise you? Did it encourage you to pay more attention to the rest of the essay? Have you heard of the term ‘hook’ that journalists and writers use to capture the attention of readers? Is this hook too risky for an admission essay? Why or why not?

What personal qualities can you list about this applicant?  Do they predict success at a highly selective college or university?

The writer talks about overcoming stereotypes. Which kind of stereotyping do you think is harder to overcome—the racism from others not of his race or the racism from those within his race who critique him for ‘acting white” because he does well academically?

Do you think teachers and administrators consciously or unconsciously encourage Black males to enroll in standard classes rather than honors and APs? If so, what can be done to address this issue?

Does the second form of racism receive the attention it should from educators and the media?

Why do you think high academic achievement among black males has been equated with ‘acting white’ by some in the black community?

Does the military metaphor that runs through the essay help convince you the student is committed to making positive change? Why or why not?

Would you want this student in a class you were in or a class you would teach? Why or why not?

Would you want this student as a roommate? Why or why not?

Do you know any students like this? Why or why not?