A real application essay written for a highly selective school.
This essay answers what lots of schools call the diversity question. A number of schools, especially state schools, need this essay in order to factor in overcoming adversity and promoting diversity. The schools in States in which affirmative action has been banned in admission find the topic especially useful.
Is this a great essay? Why or why not?
Will this student add significant diversity?
Should the fact that the student's first language is not English be given significant weight by admission officers?
Are some kinds of diversity more important than others?
To whom? For Whom?
Is this a great essay? No, it's not great in terms of expressive or exciting writing. Does it accomplish its purpose--that is, does it answer the question? Yes. She has a unique life story so she tells her story, which is in essence her world. She doesn't go into lots of detail about coming from Vietnam (which would have also been interesting to hear), and what her life there was like before. But a student who's an up-from-the-bootstraps young person (to put it in terms we'd use in the US) is usually well served by simply telling her story, the big story. We do learn that she achieved a scholarship (probably a pretty big one) and she isn't afraid to admit she struggled at times. There's one nice image of being confused by simple things like doing laundry (which I've experienced myself when living overseas). Regarding her use of English, I found myself thinking it was excellent and wondering (as I almost always do) whether she had help. Judging by her simple, straightforward language and structure, I would bet that any assistance was confined to proofreading punctuation and typos. I think she told her own story.
ReplyDeleteI read this essay and the one from the Hemingway -esque guy before driving home from work. By the time I got home, it was this story, this essay, that I remembered more.
I think we are talking about socio-economic diversity with this student, as well as life experience, as well as her obvious ability to adapt to more diversity. If I'm really crass about it, I also (putting my former admissions hat on) am attracted by the fact that she's Vietnamese, as typically there are many fewer applicants who are Vietnamese than Singaporean. Mainly, I'm drawn by her "grit" factor, which is a hard force to resist if you're in a US college admission office.
I do think her ability to adapt and grow could serve as an example to her more sheltered roommates in college. Her personal qualities come through to me even more than her diversity factor.
Again, it depends on the applicant pool and the rest of her application, but I would likely say Yes.