Essay Test: Insight, Challenges, and Standing Out

The following four essays were submitted in response to the University of California's Personal Insight prompts.

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1.Describe the most significant challenge you have faced and the steps you have taken to overcome this challenge. How has this challenge affected your academic achievement?

Even though I had been through bone fractures, imperfect grades, this time was way more different.

"The students of the first row please answer the questions on the blackboard."

I tentatively stood up.

A suffocating silence.

"Her eyesight is not good, Mr. Huang." Somebody rescued me from my embarrassment.

That was the fall of 2014, when I was diagnosed as Asthenopia and Xeroma. The symptoms include eye dryness, pain, and fear of light. I was not able to read or write in normal light. Straight lines were all twisted; words became illegible dots.

However, starting from that fall, I had to wear special glasses everyday. For almost one year, hospital consultations replaced club activities. My heart became so fragile that any mention of my illness would trigger floods of tears. Mrs. Li, our dean, called my mom to convince her to let me drop out to be homeschooled. How could it possible? I insisted on staying in school. I knew what dropping out meant: no learning, no identity, no future.

After my physical recovery, I had to face my terrible test scores. Compared to sitting at the desk incessantly working on academics, convincing myself to take a leap of faith again, was far more strenuous. However, when I persuaded myself to start the journey, I committed wholeheartedly to every chapter and article. Ultimately, exceeding sprinting hares I became a tortoise who won the academic race.

Paradoxically, the illness opened up a new perspective. I learnt to be rational despite the surrounding stress. Life isn't always going to turn out as expected, no one is able to control fate. Yet I still took steps to secure my future. Initially, I knew my learned skills were not qualified sufficient, but I was determined that I would be capable of achieving my academic goals one day in the future, I just didn't know when.

Putting more faith in myself than before is how I pulled through my highly intense course schedule, squeezing in time for my beloved medical activities, and ending up spending countless hours researching neurons and finding my life passion.

2.Think about an academic subject that inspires you. Describe how you have furthered this interest inside and/or outside of the classroom.

Strongylocentrotus Droebanchiasis. For some, long biological terms represent boring memorization, voluminous terminologies, and considerable amounts of time. However, I love this Gordian Knot.

Biology awes me with its intricate grandeur. From watching the old BBC documentaries South Pacific to the recent Planet Earth II, I continuously, even repetitively, observe nature, but too often only in front of screens. Nature also teaches me philosophy: All rivers run into the tolerant sea, and firm cliffs stand still despite storms.

My love for biology took root in the Marine Biology Course I took at Exeter Summer School. Waking up at 5:30 a.m. to observe tide rise on Hampton beach, I collected blue mussels and algae; I saw a Humpback whale 3 meters away; and those long hours I spent in the library and lab learning the principles of tide and attributes of organisms encouraged me to help decipher the code of life.

I took a step further and learned more. A College-level Microbiology course at Duke summer school was challenging, but I enjoyed exploring the fields of Virology, Immunology, and CRSPR.

My own research on how ethanol affects certain microorganisms' fat metabolism culminated in insufficient data because of contamination of most of the culture plates. Then I started my second project about neuron cells and sugar. This time I paid more attention to details about the procedures in order not to make the same mistakes. I elongated my preparation time and went through each step several times. Fortunately, the neuron cells were not contaminated, but the result did not turn out as well as expected because of time constraints.

Thus far, I am not a successful researcher. Nonetheless, I know that biology research requires patience and fortitude. Failures will not impede me. True researchers maintain our passion for biology, the curiosity to understand the language of nature.

I am looking forward to helping discover the unknown in biology and in so doing positively affecting the lives of all those around me.

3.What have you done to make your school or your community a better place?

"The wind rises; freshness spreads..."

Contributing to the community extends beyond community service or volunteer work. It is, indeed, quite simple-- try to accept everyone in your community, just like how winds spread clean air.

"Be tolerant." In China, students who do not focus on study are often ostracized. One boy was left out by others because he sleeps in class and gets Cs. However, I greeted him every day with smiles and tried to discuss and plan group projects with him.

Another student, Xiangyi, was disdained by all of my team members for his terrible academic performance. They thought he would drag our team's overall score down. They tried to convince me, the team leader, to expel him from the team. Nevertheless, I consoled them saying how his running ability could contribute to the team. I secretly talked with Xiangyi about his academic problems while also encouraging him to work hard on the upcoming school sports festival. Ultimately, he won the first place in the 400 meters, which added 20 points to our team results! Other team members accepted him at last. While he will never be a star student, he still became our star sports member and found his place among his classmates.

Everyone has his/her own "sparkling point". Qian once committed plagiarism but he was a great basketball player. Chunxu played with computers instead of studying, but he was a talented coding student. Zixi was a terrible Physics learner, but the poems she wrote were fabulous... Not only those who get highest marks deserve flowers and applause. I try to give them a hand, if needed, whether it is to answer a complex math question or lend them my bicycle or to cover the cleaning shift at school. I greet them with smiles, show admiration for their talents, and ask them for advice. I listen to their words and value their own stories.

Looking back, I realized that might be why I won 48 votes out of 53 in the election for class monitor, and how I have, ever since, tried to unite the whole class.

4.Beyond what has already been shared in your application, what do you believe makes you stand out as a strong candidate for admissions to the University of California?

Born in a completely science-oriented family, I am the trailblazer in the area of liberal arts. Most my family bookshelves were filled with bulky physics and math textbooks under dark colors and thick spines. When I was young, I too often thought my intellectual focus might be restricted to science and math under the influence of my parents.

Unsurprisingly, the first time I began to study history, I was overwhelmed by the overflowing facts: Treaty of Shimonoseki, 92 Consensus, Start of first Opium War. Unlike math, there isn't a versatile equation that could solve similar questions. Events from divergent time periods and human geographies were like pieces of jigsaw puzzle, pieces that I had no idea, yet, how I could join them together.

Initially, I read history books over and over, trying to familiarize with ideas and catching new thoughts that flashed in my mind-Boring.

After doing it for a week, I came up with an idea of drawing timelines-Not bad. (They resemble documentaries.)

Ultimately, I analyzed each event's political, economical and social influence-Great! (I'm now totally obsessed with this kind of thinking!)

I unravel the veil of other areas than just history. It wasn't until I finished my first realistic painting that I found out how vividly I could depict the world around me. However, the first sketch I made took me a whole afternoon sitting at the bench in front of an oak tree.

First, I simply observed the tree-Terrible! (Too many details, where to start?)

Second, I tentatively tried my first drawing from the bottom of the tree bark-Not Bad. (Some parts look good even though painted randomly.)

Third, I focused on portions of the tree and then analyzed it holistically, adding shades and details-Amazing! (I couldn't believe the tree I drew looked so real!)

I immerse myself in each new endeavor. Then I naturally find the interest inside it and relish the joy of accomplishments and the learning from failures. Permitting myself to discover, the passion I nurture allows me to ultimately excel in areas that I will continue to explore.

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Questions

Rate the essays individually and as a group 1-5, with 5 being the highest score. What ratings did you give these essays and why?

What three words would you use to describe this student?

Should students who have overcome significant challenges be given an advantage in the admission process? Why or why not?

Has this student overcome significant challenges? Which of the following do you define as significant challenges?

Physical/mental issues

Family issues

Issues related to race or ethnicity

Issues related to gender

Issues related to class

Issues related to country of origin or citizenship

Other

Should some of these challenges be categorized more “significant” to colleges and universities than others when trying to enroll a talented and diverse group of students? If so, which ones?

Have you overcome significant challenges? Should you make sure to write about them in your application?

Does this student undermine stereotypes about Asian students and in particular students from China? Why or why not?

Would she add diversity to her college campus?

Is she smart? If yes, what makes you think so?

Is she a leader? If yes what makes you think so?

Does she Does she demonstrate a love of learning? If she does how important should these character trait be in the selection process?

Would you want this student as a roommate? Why or why not?

I would like to thank Barbara for letting me post her essays. She will be starting her first year at UCLA this Fall. 

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The University of California system has its own application and its own way of asking students to write about themselves. They make it clear on their website that they do not require “essays” from students. Instead, they require students to answer 4 of 8 possible “personal insight” questions. Each of these insights must be limited to no more than 350 words.

Here are the choices from the 2017-2018 application:

1. Describe an example of your leadership experience in which you have positively influenced others, helped resolve disputes or contributed to group efforts over time.

2. Every person has a creative side, and it can be expressed in many ways: problem solving, original and innovative thinking, and artistically, to name a few. Describe how you express your creative side.

3. What would you say is your greatest talent or skill? How have you developed and demonstrated that talent over time?

4. Describe how you have taken advantage of a significant educational opportunity or worked to overcome an educational barrier you have faced.

5. Describe the most significant challenge you have faced and the steps you have taken to overcome this challenge. How has this challenge affected your academic achievement?

6. Think about an academic subject that inspires you. Describe how you have furthered this interest inside and/or outside of the classroom.

7. What have you done to make your school or your community a better place?

8. Beyond what has already been shared in your application, what do you believe makes you stand out as a strong candidate for admissions to the University of California?

U Cal provides a lot of text about how to answer these prompts. In a subsequent blog entry I will examine the way UC guides students about the most effective way to respond to these prompts.