The Meaning of Life: from Cal Tech to Quora, an Inward yet Music-Filled Journey

Some think Big Questions are to be avoided, or, if not avoided, then dismissed as unanswerable and, as a consequence, a waste of time. What am I doing and why?  Where am I going and what does it mean? What comprises a meaningful life? These are a few of the questions that drive some people toward the door or to click “close” on their browser.

For those intrepid souls who do wish to confront big questions and to explore the paths in life that are not what many would call traditional, then you should take the time to read this interview with Jane. She has learned much from her schools—Cal Tech, Ross Business at the University of Michigan, USC for graduate work in music—but  she has also discovered unchartered waters within herself. Her search for meaning is noble and goes, at least to me, back quite a long way to those we revere, but rarely follow:

By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest. Confucius

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Can you give us a bit of background about you and your family. Where did you grow up and are you oldest, youngest middle?

1.   I am in the middle of a too-prolonged and extended break from a business school doctoral program

2.   The first thing I did after dropping out of my funded PhD program was to buy   a $20k Foreclosure in Detroit 

3.  Where I wrote a 14-track electronic digital music (EDM) album titled  “Burnout”

4.   And decided it is against my current life philosophy to focus on making money

In fact, I am the eldest, and very far off the beaten path in my collective family of cousins and siblings, which includes a technology director, dentist, optometrist, patent attorney, and medical school assistant professor! 

My sisters (doctor and lawyer) and I (MBA), grew up in a suburb of San Diego County and attended public school. My father ran one of the first computerized restaurant delivery services over 3 decades ago. He is now retired, though back in the day, the restaurant was quite a fixture in West LA, such that it was mentioned in a movie.

Your family must have emphasized education from a very early age. You and your siblings ended up at Caltech. This is, by any measure, extraordinary. Are all of you exceptionally gifted, exceptionally hard workers, exceptionally driven or some of each of these things? 

I really like excel spreadsheets (and many other analytical tools that I learned in my MBA program) so here is the answer in a table:

I was academically driven mostly because I lived with my grandfather who opened up his own hospital in Taiwan after qualifying for training in the US (only 2 doctors per specialty was chosen per year for the program). His hard-work and service to society affected my entire family quite significantly. My grandfather set a very visible bar that could not be matched.

Did standardized tests and your classes in high school come easily to you? 

I remember the time when I was 10 years old and my 9-year-old sister and I went to Taiwan for abacus (math) training. I had a very difficult time keeping up with her. This was when I knew that I was simply inferior in academics and I was ok with it — I figured that was how the world works — plenty of other people are better than you at things. Given the Asian culture, I did not want to be too disappointing and be a “bad older sibling” and seriously had to strain to try to match her. The only thing I did not want was too much embarrassment!

Eventually, she would complete her MD/PhD while I would drop out from my business doctorate program. So no, standardized tests and classes in high school did not at all come easily to me. I had to study very hard and did silly things like writing out 3000+ flash cards for the SAT and speed reading the Encyclopedia of Philosophy.

Did you ever feel odd around others in elementary and secondary school because of your intelligence?

No. I actually did not test into the Gifted and Talented Education (GATE) Program. My reading skills were very poor, in part because I immigrated to the country a bit after age 7. I felt odd more because I did not fit in personality-wise, and thanks to Quora, I discovered this is most likely because I am an INTJ and about 1% of the female population is INTJ (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/INTJ).

Overall, I believe I am a product of methodical practice and stubborn attempts to figure out how to beat one’s own real and perceived limitations.

If you were not the oldest was it hard to try to replicate the success of an elder sibling?

NA although my younger sibling is only a year younger and much more mature — she may have seen me haphazardly struggling with my health problems and be on permanent alert!

Jane (left) and her younger sister

Were you also identified as musically gifted early on and if so what instruments did you learn to play and when did you start to sing?

I played piano and was gifted in the feeling of music, though I felt like when I coached my sister, she benefited from my perception of how musical phrases should be. So despite teachers proclaiming that I was “gifted” in music, I myself, believe that some aspects of it is effort. I would always concede that my doctor sister is technically more proficient at the piano than I am, though I had a tendency to win awards because I would risk more and express more emotionally, in my performances.

My main instrument is the flute in which I won regional competitions and went to the international finals (the US National Flute Association has many international participants and winners). At age 15, I literally forced my sister to practice the flute for a month to join the band (she was a pianist/violinist). Surprisingly, with my screaming at her for the few weeks, she won 1st chair for her grade. Then at age 17, I had the opportunity to perform the first movement of the Nielsen Flute Concerto with the San Diego Symphony. It was very intimidating not to be able to hear oneself in such a gigantic performance hall.

I have been vocal training for roughly 21 months as of August 11, 2016. My flute studies have been a double-edged sword for my singing. I am mostly a haphazard person and had injured my vocal cords so badly in the first attempt at learning singing that I had to stop for an entire year! I suspect this is because my lungs were overdeveloped for my vocal cords when I started because of the decades of flute playing. I thought people “just sang” and it is the furthest from the truth — this is the reason why there are so many important steps to learning singing. All vocal pedagogical experts and reference books recommend starting out with only 15 minutes of very mild vocalizing a day in vocal studies.

After college, I picked up a few other instruments: Saxophone, guitar, ukelele, and I have rudimentary knowledge of string instruments and have memorized way too much of the cello repertoire.

Were you bored in high school? What kind of person would you say you were back then?

I was rather sickly in high school. I have found that no one likes to hear about chronic illness so I tried to avoid the topic. In hindsight, I have learned that chronic pain makes one rather cranky and also short-circuits decision-making. As I have grown older, I have increasingly become more INTJ. Because I have studied behavior and community in the organizational behavior doctoral program, I have an improved understanding of where I stood in high school versus now.

What did you think of Caltech. Was it what you expected? Did you put a lot of stress on yourself and if so how did you deal with it? Given the choice would you go there again?  Did you have any mentors? Who were they? What sorts of things did you do out of class and who did you hang out with?

I had a severe bout of mysterious illness in my freshman year where I was nauseous, throwing up, and dizzy, on top of my (then undiagnosed) Hashimoto’s thyroiditis (autoimmune disease) and recurrent respiratory infections that ended in a tonsillectomy upon graduation. I had to move into my grandparents house because I had such poor health. As such, I definitely did not get to participate in nor have the energy to take advantage of much of the opportunities afforded to students at Caltech.

This was back in the early-mid 1990s as I entered school in 1993. The male to female ratio was 3:1 my year and my sister entered school a year after me with a gender ratio of 7:1.

As an undergraduate student, I felt like the assistant Dean, Barbara Greene, was a fantastic resource at Caltech. She is infinitely patient and quite helpful — I do not believe I could have graduated had I not had the support and access of the administration. I could walk in and get an appointment with the Dean’s office at any time when I had problems with illness. The environment at Caltech is one of understanding and caring for the individual because of the low student to faculty ratio.

Unfortunately, I did not have a normal social experience at Caltech — I had to sacrifice nearly the entirety of my social existence to barely complete my work. In fact, I had a medical incomplete turn into an F.

For the mid-1990s, I was rather progressive in my online socializing; I played some MUDs (Multi User Domain) and chatted on IRC (Internet Relay Chat). These activities are far less energy-demanding and physically demanding for a sickly introvert — this seemed better to me than actually going out and interacting with people.

The symptoms of my autoimmune disease did not allow for much of anything else other than struggling to complete homework, some research, and studying for exams. I even had to cut out some of attending classes because I was so chronically fatigued. To be quite honest, I could hardly keep up with some of the materials in classes outside of my major, in particular, for math and physics.

Fortunately, I am the type of person who can live vicariously through others just fine — I liked that others living in the dorms were happily partying and socializing when I went to bed. When one is sickly, sometimes the only way to experience some levels of happiness is by appreciating that others are happy. I would watch people do some things that are odd by societal standards (like juggling or riding a unicycle) and think that it was really awesome.

The rare instances of socializing that I can recall are things like being claustrophobically crammed into a compact car, racing down the 110 freeway, weaving in and out of traffic, on the way to Koreatown and then finding out the driver (a fellow Techer) had been in a car accident and a subsequent coma — ugh!

My family around 1999 -- the faces of goofy Techers -- eventually MS/JD, MD/Phd, MBA from left to right -- my siblings and I have all managed to get out of Caltech alive

 What major did you choose and were you happy with it?  In terms of advice you would give to student in secondary school or college about selecting colleges, majors and activities?

I chose Biology as my option. I am happy with it because it gave me a comprehensive view on evolution and the nature of plants and organisms as they relate to the entirety of the universal laws of our world. The Caltech curriculum also trains its students to be able to understand almost any research paper in fields even only loosely related to one’s major — I found this to be exceptionally valuable to entrepreneurial ideation and flexibility of mind and of learning.

After graduation, I retrained myself to work in IT as a network engineer after graduation — it is a better lifestyle than most occupations (and paid twice as much as most biology research jobs). I would not have been so confident in entering into a then almost all-male field had I not read as many abstracts and academic papers in all sorts of various disciplines in my Caltech training. My business masters and doctoral studies then rounded out the core science with social science and behavioral studies. As my autoimmune disease symptoms improved, I had more energy to explore various life experiences, including opening my own business in premium espresso and tea. I learned how to pour latte art. The culinary and competitive barista community is fascinating. Having my business burn down is another story (which I may eventually write about more comprehensively in a book)…..

In any case, my Caltech education made it so that I never felt ill-prepared to venture into a project — the rigorous academic training has made me fearless!

I am not 100% sure of the chronology of your education so please forgive me if I get things wrong. After you finished at Caltech you then went to USC for music. What was your focus and how did you like the program.

When I auditioned for the USC School of Music as a graduating high school student, I had received a full-merit-scholarship for the BA/MD program with an undergraduate major of music performance — I  had been accepted for both the piano and the flute. However, I decided against the program because in the back of my mind, I had to think about what I could not tell the people in charge — (1) I was very sickly and could not get a formal diagnosis (2) I had severe repetitive stress injuries that caused severe acute pain from over-practice of piano — I had to stop playing both instruments for almost a year in high school.

It is not popular to be sick nor injured and I was both — best way to kill all recruitment efforts from universities.

So after graduating from Caltech, I took a couple of years away from the stress of academics to go to music school. I found the experience of trying to fit in with those who had gone through the full music curriculum, completely fascinating. The gigging and performances really improved my musical skills. Although I could not practice as much as I liked due to the now-chronic repetitive stress injuries, I managed to win 3rd place in the orchestral audition competition and be placed as alternate at several pre-professional programs.

At USC, I really enjoyed being around the best musicians in the world. I remember playing in the same orchestral ensemble with a guy who became the principal cellist at the San Diego Symphony almost immediately after completing undergrad. By the looks on his face, he could definitely tell that I was not used to being a musician.

 Here is one with mom though I am scowling a bit because of the high winds (at the LACMA, LA County Museum of Art).

After that you switched pretty dramatically and earned an MBA at Michigan.  What was it that got you to move in this direction. How did you like the MBA program?

My cafe business had burnt down. I had gotten too far into the “lifestyle” of San Francisco’s Haight District. Life had spiraled out of control and I had to refocus, regroup, and learn to see the world in a different light.

I absolutely loved the MBA program at the University of Michigan. I was afforded the opportunity to be surrounded by intelligent people of a very different type. At Caltech, brilliance manifests itself in quirkiness and a lot of times, social awkwardness, whereas at Ross, there is a tremendous charisma, polish, maturity, and worldliness that pervades its student body. Ross graduates really care about the communities that are affected by business, the benefits of business for the greater society, and the alumni network. It was very rare to encounter someone who is exceptionally self-serving and egocentric in career goals (which is a typical stereotype of MBAs).

The curriculum and then-new facilities at Ross are world class and the professors are very passionate about doing research, teaching, and imparting the wisdom they have learned through years of experience in industries and research. Despite the fact I do not work in a corporate environment and simply have opted to take the path not often taken by MBAs, I have the utmost respect for the business and economic processes and managerial hierarchies. Business organization is a component of society that is crucial and yet those who do not understand the specifics can definitely criticize it and take it for granted.  

You also did PhD. work but have taken a break. What were you working on and do you think you will go back?

My degree program was in Organizational Behavior. I completed a significant amount of academic coursework, though I never got a footing on the research at Boston University. The program had a very high attrition rate and the business school has since been renamed and reorganized.

My last semester there, I actually was in a situation where I was being evicted out of a place I was staying and had to fight the court case during school. I won the court case because I spent a lot of time gathering evidence (it was not the typical case), though I guess I lost the struggle with my own determination of staying in the doctoral program.

In reflecting on my experience, I found that I was more passionate about the behavior side of the research — I would rather develop theory and conduct research on individuals or sociological phenomena in broader society than within the realm of just business organizations.

I have not decided whether I would want to transfer my credits as I have a huge problem with the personal race against the biological clock.

Recently you have been a great presence on the website Quora.com. You are most viewed writer (top 10) in many categories. Given that millions are a part of this community why did you decide to become an active participant?

Parke, you are far too kind in your assessment of my presence and contributions on Quora. I simply have a tendency to be obsessive compulsive when it comes to things that I find to be worthwhile. On the first day I discovered Quora, April 13, 2016, I was so excited I wrote 33 answers!

Quora is a platform that I found to be a brilliant contribution to society — I could not believe the community spirit that it generates on a platform that is typically as sterile and potentially so shallow as the Internet, in this day and age of frivolous social media, mostly lacking in substance. It is a treasure trove of anecdotal information and life experiences — like a huge gigantic collective conscience representation of “family”. Even a “poorly-written” 2-sentence answer means someone read a question and made the effort to respond. It was nearly completely unbelievable to me that this type of goodwill still exists in this day of what I believed was filled only with hectic (and perhaps selfish) pursuit of individual happiness.

Jane at her Cal Tech graduation

 What have you learned from doing this?

I have learned a great deal, from the personal implications that I am an INTJ, to a lot about the nature of other human interactions. I have also learned about the pain points of the general public in terms of finding and processing information. And to fill in a gap, I feel like I can honestly distill academic journal articles that I read that might be of interest to the community of Quora, without the pressure to sensationalize, as a paid writer might be. The fact that money is taken out of the equation makes the information on Quora very different in nature from everything else online.

Globally, I sense there is a great need for educational support and a general sense of psychological support for students who feel out of place in the university systems. I have also discovered there are cultural differences around world, sometimes due to ignorance, which at times makes me rather furious. And of course, I then start obsessing about how those of us who are fortunate enough to have more information and resources can help those who are persecuted and/or in need. At least Quora can provide a platform of support for those with problems living in oppressive cultures. For example, women who live in more traditional cultures of limited perspectives can read personal and moving stories of how others in more progressive environments live (instead of just watching movies or entertainment social media garbage).

Are there answers that you are particularly proud of that you would be willing to share here?

I wrote a few answers to try to spread the scientific knowledge that psychological trauma and abuse causes structural brain changes that can be captured on neuro-imaging. Several answers from purported “experts” which “blamed victims” who had unresolved emotions from trauma/abuse seriously ticked me off — the answers were scientifically wrong and completely lacking in empathy.

https://www.quora.com/I-want-revenge-on-people-who-hurt-me-in-the-past-When-I-see-them-happy-it-makes-me-sad-and-ignored-Will-taking-revenge-make-me-feel-better

In a more positive light, I found an interesting phenomenon completely unexpectedly. The following answer had the effect of the concept of the “tipping point” as popularized by Malcolm Gladwell and caught on like wildfire: Written on July 10th, as of August 11th, the answer had 1.3 million views and 2.8k upvotes.

https://www.quora.com/What-do-wealthy-people-eat-to-keep-looking-so-fit-and-healthy/answer/Jane-CP-Wei

You seem driven to do things that most of us would not have the courage to try. You have been working on your opera skills lately. Are you a perfectionist and does this ever make life difficult?

I am far from a perfectionist, except in music. My music teachers and professors had discovered I have perfect pitch in high school. As they are world famous, and well-respected, I have to own up to the odd “talent”. I studied with Jane Bastien, a very famous piano pedagogy author, for a year.

I actually started singing opera because I had become bed-ridden from this experience of asceticism where I stayed indoors in low 40s degree weather, in my home, for 3 months. The silly thing was I was simply suffering from all sorts of vitamin D deficiency symptoms. Unfortunately, when one is cognitively debilitated to that degree, it is very difficult to consciously figure out what is wrong. I would lie in the living room (the least cold room in the house) and work on operatic diction in Italian to feel like I was not “doing nothing”. I suppose that in hindsight, freezing in a robe and under layers of blankets in a 40 degree house, learning how to roll one’s R’s is a bit perfectionist and crazy. It also took me months to do just that!

There is a certain obsessive compulsiveness and addiction type behavior that I have with certain goals — I believe opera is more of an addiction than anything else. It bypasses all my repetitive stress disorders of the hands and pain in my neck and releases plenty of endorphins. My chronic pain is reduced and so vocal training is quite a therapeutic exercise for me. I get to act-sing crazy, giddy, suicidal, neurotic, and all sorts of other emotions without actually having to experience the interpersonal conflicts/situations that can cause those emotions to occur — no activity is more cathartic than that!

Jane's self-portrait on her 40th birthday

What do wish you had known about life when you were younger?

Nothing more; I like the painful learning process that we all go through and I think difficulties bring people together in communities and also help us keep perspective. I hold the view that information is not of much meaning without context.

Do you want to talk about any of the struggles you have had or about your decision to be ascetic?

It is tremendously difficult to make a living without any interactions with society. I have become so out of touch with social circles that I could not name an emergency contact locally nor obtain a reference letter to do something simple like volunteer work.

People misunderstand my intentions, though I cannot say that I care too much. A lot of this pursuit of asceticism is in an effort to correct what I dislike about myself. Being completely devoid of social interactions is actually very different from having the limited interactions of a loner. Making the effort of holding back from pursuing a 6-figure income when one is holding advanced degree that allows for it when unemployment rates are under 5% is not simply “being a loner” — it is a decision to live a certain lifestyle. Choosing to live in a socioeconomically difficult place like Detroit when one has the option to live near the beach in Los Angeles takes some desire to seek a level of awareness about societal functions and the human condition.

It really is a matter of comparison of the accessible lifestyle and of choice. It is also a matter of what degree of asceticism I find is necessary to obtain the clarity of mind and body. And those who may be judging me (as a faux ascetic) for my food choices do not know about the critically low vitamin D levels that actually completely incapacitated me to the point of being non-functional — I started dropping glasses of water out of my hand because I had lost neurological control and muscular strength. I was sleeping for 15+ hours a day in the 40s degree winter weather. I had also been vegetarian, sometimes vegan, for some time and only began to eat a normal diet because of the medical diagnosis.

In today’s hectic society, few have the time for both meditation and random brainstorming — I chose to devote as much of time as I can to develop freedom of thought, or at least to be aware when I am conforming to my environment too much.

William Blake's art and poetry

Do you have any long-range plans you want to share?

Right now, the projects I have conjured up in the pipeline which do not meet the criteria for development are:

1.        A food product line using weeds (non-GMO, no need for pesticides, no needs for fertilizer)

2.        Dormitory-style community with advisor for those who want to utilize free (and low-cost) online coursework to develop their resume

3.        Research in development of automatically recursive modules to process marketing data

4.        MBA-for-kids program that is an immersion program that helps kids in inner city neighborhoods understand the high-level requirements of a successful business and of leadership in any type of organized entity

5.        A program to organize information obtained from academic journals (pulling from annual reviews) from all disciplines and combining and recombining them to generate innovative scientific directions

As for the ascetic practice that I have begun 5 years ago and ramped up 3 years ago: I had been wanting to revert to the more rigorous version that I had started off with because I am hitting a plateau in progress.

Is there anything else you want to add?

I debate with myself all the time how much self-censoring I should do on Quora — I certainly would not want to be lacking in authenticity, yet, I have a streak which may just be too much for the general public.

Thanks for the opportunity,

Jane C. Wei

 

                                                Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging

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On the syllabi of many a humanities class around the world books like Walden, Reveries of A Solitary Walker or Emily Dickinson’s poems get read and annotated but not often internalized. The interior journey to find the self away from others is not easy.

And writing, or at least the kind that many would call deep, comes out of solitary epiphanies or dark nights of the soul. Jane’s words demonstrate intellect and much of her world view has been tempered by the acceptance of suffering through sickness and physical pain as something she has had to live with and through. The cliché about suffering for one’s art does not apply here. Instead; it is creating despite suffering that is what we should learn from. We all have, to use Blake’s term, “mind-forged manacles” that imprison our imaginations, but many of us have the healthy bodies to play the music in our souls

Jane has shared great wisdom with us here and on Quora and I hope many will take the time to read her responses on that forum too. I also think that people may, after reading her words, reflect a bit on what a life worth living is.

Socrates said it is only  an examined life that is worth living. Jane has that covered But she has made it so. But is hasn’t been easy (and perhaps it never is). She exited the flat roads of high paying jobs for more than just the road less travelled; instead, she’s been forging a path that does not yet exist. This takes courage and it takes time too.

As my ability with words is not always what I wished it would be I will quote from a wonderful writer, who has just released a book about writing. Mark Edmundson is a person I have quoted on the blog before. His new book is full of insights into what makes a writer. What follows is a definition of a scholar as Ralph Waldo Emerson defines the term. I think it applies well to Jane:

Wallace Stevens …looked with admiration, he tells us, at “the man who has had the time to think enough.” Who is this person who has had time to think enough? This is the man (or, surely, the woman) who has taken the time to step out of the main road and to read and to ponder and
 finally (probably) to write. This is someone who has observed life carefully and on his own terms and drawn some conclusions. It’s the sort of person that Emerson celebrates in “The American Scholar.” It’s a young person who has decided not to chase after early success. He’s stepped aside from the throng and become a reader and a watcher. He’s read carefully (and not in a slavish, overreceptive way), for as Emerson says, “There is then creative reading as well as a creative writing.” He’s developed for himself a sense of proportion: he knows that a popgun is only a popgun, even if the venerable of the earth say that it’s the crack of doom. Then comes Emerson’s great sentence: “In silence, in steadiness, in severe abstraction, let him hold by himself; add observation to observation, patient of neglect, patient of reproach; and bide his own time— happy enough, if he can satisfy himself alone, that this day he has seen something truly.” He compounds his observations, this American scholar, and he collects his truths. And in time he knows: he knows who he is (as Socrates said he must) and he knows what the world is to boot.
Edmundson, Mark (2016-08-30). Why Write?: A Master Class on the Art of Writing and Why it Matters

I would like to thank Jane for her wisdom she has shared from her reflections and from her experience. If I can learn to imitate her willingness to search deeply perhaps I will be able to live my life in a scholarly way.

Emily Dickinson--Visionary