The following admission essay was submitted to highly
selective universities:
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Blinding. A few seconds pass as my eyes adjust to the light
reflecting off the rusted tin roof that frames the Princeton skyline this hot,
summer afternoon. My view, however, is distorted by the beads of condensation
that have formed on the window of this second-story studio, matching the beads
of sweat that have appeared on my skin and slowly run down my purple leotard.
I’m dripping now.
The sound of steel
drums and trumpets fill my ears as I look across the room to see where the
music is coming from. Between the stereo and I, ten dancers fill the space with
Corta Jaca, as those not dancing attempt
to understand this intricate step of Samba Reggae. Right, left, right. Wait. What was that? Oh! Here comes the
stomping. I’m sure my feet will love that
after 3 hours en pointe.
My focus shifts to the front of the room. Dreadlocks fly
through the air as Jannell, our teacher, smiles broadly, closes her eyes, and
lets her body become one with the music. I can almost see streaks of color
trailing behind her arms and legs as they form the shapes unique to her body
and the music.
Soon, I’m at the front of the room experiencing Bota Foga and Samba Redowa. Though I am not as familiar with these movements as
with the classical shapes and positions of Russian Vaganova technique ballet,
the pulse of my Cuban blood takes over and syncopates smoothly with the
Afro-Caribbean flavored music. As I make my way towards the mirror, I hear
Janelle yell in her creole twang, “Bon Bagay (Good Job) Madeleine!”
Glancing in the mirror, I see a 5’7 body sculpted for
ballet, throwing her hair back and forth, laughing as she successfully performs
an advanced combination of Brazilian and Caribbean Samba. I also see a
17-year-old, poetry-loving physics nerd from Virginia who spends her Sundays
arranging music and reading about French renaissance artists currently
undertaking 300 years worth of dance history in just a 3 minute routine—all
wrapped up in purple leotard and a bun. Not the first unique combination of the
day. My feet take control now, and I watch as the movements of my limbs leave
behind streaks of color that fill this gray, concrete room.
If you were to see me by some chance, I am the girl who
flip-flops happily down the street, proudly showing off her gnarled feet that
look like they’ve run themselves through the Cuisinart grinder more than a few
times. Little would you know, those deceptively ugly feet are strong, and
beautifully displayed as works of art when they come out on stage in a pair of
pointe shoes. This is a strength that has been built from long hours in the
studio sweating and working both physically and mentally towards an image, a
goal, a purpose. But what I am lucky to say is, that each hour spent in the
blistering heat, the money spent on endless
tubs of muscle balm and bobby pins, were all sacrificed for these moments of
unity between mind, body, spirit, and of course, music.
I snap back to the present. The music stops. Wiping her
face, Jannell yells, “Great class! Now go soak your feet and take a shower.” A lighthearted
laugh circulates through the room. As I gather my things, I look out the window
one last time. The New Jersey skyline looks just a little more beautiful.
 |
| Nietzsche |
Questions
Rate this essay from 1-5 with 5 being the highest rating.
What rating did you give it and why?
What three words would you use to describe this student?
How important should demonstrating a passion be to the
admission process? Should students who have put in unending hours in a specific
activity be selected more often than those who have tried many different
things? Defend your answer.
What three words would you use to describe this student’s
voice?
Would this student add diversity to the campus? If yes, in
what ways?
Are some kinds of diversity valued more by colleges and
universities than others? If yes which ones?
Does this essay show or tell? Defend your answer. Most essay
“experts” advise students to show not tell. Do you agree?
What does it really mean to show instead of tell?
Is this student smart? If yes, how do you know?
Should the writer leave out where this class took place
(Princeton) because other schools might think she is committed to attending
Princeton?
Do you think schools use references to other schools as
negatives in the admission process? Should they?
If you were to give advice to this student about how to
improve her essay what would you say?
Would you want this student as a roommate?
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A report Turning the Tide, issued this week from the Graduate School of
Education at Harvard, contains a number of
recommendations that highly
selective colleges and universities should implement to make the admission process
fairer, less stressful, and more open to different kinds of students. One
recommendation asks students to focus on quality of activities:
Recommendation #1:
Prioritizing Quality—Not
Quantity—of Activities
Admissions offices should send a clear message that numerous
extracurricular activities or long “brag sheets” do not increase students’
chances of admission.
Applications should state plainly that students should feel
no pressure to report more than two or three substantive extracurricular
activities and should discourage students from reporting activities that have
not been meaningful to them. Applications should provide room to list perhaps
no more than four activities or should simply ask students to describe two or
three meaningful activities narratively. Applications should underscore the
importance of the quality and
not the quantity of students’ extracurricular activities. Admissions
offices should define students’ potential for achievement in terms of the depth
of students’
intellectual and ethical engagement and potential.
Does the student’s essay fit the criteria that the report
puts forward for students and activities?
Do students who know early on, in middle school or earlier,
what they want to pursue in terms of activities, have an distinct advantage
over others who have not found a passion.?
Who are the kinds of students who will be able to develop a
strong resume that focuses on a few passions over a period of years?
What activities would you value most when reading an
applicant’s essays and resume? Defend your answer.
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