Essay Test: "Comes not that blood as modest evidence To witness simple virtue?"

The following essay was submitted to highly selective universities in response to this prompt:

Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.

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After nine months in America, the landing gear extended, my chair shook, and there I was at Hong Kong International Airport. The smell of Starbucks Americano welcomed my olfactory receptor cells first. Airplane models hanging from the roof fired impulses at my visual neurons. I watched the Arrivals-display screen ebb and rise. It looked so much like an ECG, measuring the electrical activity of the airport’s heart.

A short man scurried faster than a Boeing past me. Efficient, simple, he was just like his suitcase. An Indonesian lady appeared in his contrail with a gigantic stack of bags piled like a little mountain. There must have been 2,000 people in that room, each carrying their own unique pieces of luggage. My suitcase was a messy black box, but I could declare that I’d packed it myself.

At that moment, it was striking to me how the Arrival Hall seemed very much like an artery, and its people like red blood cells. At any given moment, there are 50 trillion flattened, biconcave RBCs traveling back and forth in the body. They carry oxygen, ATP or urea in their sunken spots, delivering the substances of life. Each one carries something different. Each is wholly unique. Just like all those travelers with their luggage.

Though I’m just a young man, the fact that every cell dies after 120 days gives me an odd feeling of sadness. After four months, only one RBC from the old generation will be left, pushing forward among millions of completely new faces. I wondered how long I would have to sit in that hall before becoming that last cell? Would the substance I carried matter then?

That sadness disappeared when I saw my parents and ran up for a hug, but apparently it remained silently hidden in my brain. Today I watch television and see my southern neighbor, Hong Kong. I see collegiate boys and teenage girls in frumpy school uniforms, doing their homework and singing the birthday song on the streets of Central district. In adjacent blocks I see empty pepper spray bottles, broken umbrellas and protesters clashing with police. Almost 30 days they’ve been there, and it makes me wonder if they'll still be there in three months? How long will it take each cell to disappear? In those protests, who will be the last cell clinging on?

Next August, I’ll return to that giant airport artery, among an entirely new group of cells myself. I wonder if I’ll meet someone who persisted in that protest. Will I recognize her from the TV? Where will she be going? What will she transport? 

These questions matter. Brain cells die in three minutes at low oxygen state; muscle cells lose mobility without adequate lactate cleansing. Though there are trillions of RBCs, a single one lost means a step closer to anemia. No matter where that girl might go, or I myself, what we transport will be vital to the entire organism, the whole world, humanity, even if only in some small way. It may be notions of freedom and democracy from fiery Hong Kong students. It may be arcane knowledge a young Chinese man picks up in a freshman course in America. Either way though, it will be incredible and indispensable.

Science is nonchalant. Red blood cells don’t live forever. After 120 days, every one gets digested by macrophages into amino acids. However, science isn't cruel. These beautifully processed remains will soon be reborn. They'll serve new functions in the body, perhaps in the heart, skin, or biceps. I am only one of 7 billion cells, just like the girl in that protest, or the Muslim lady with her mountain of bags. Yet I’m proud that each of us is unique. I’m proud to travel alongside these brothers and sisters. We may disappear some day soon, but what we carry may very well live forever.

Hong Kong Protest

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Questions

Rate this essay 1-5 with 5 being the highest rating. What rating did you give and why? 

How would you describe this student's voice?

Is this student smart? Defend your answer.

What is the theme of  this essay? Is it Scientific,  Political, Poetic none of these or all of these?

English is not this student's first language? Should this affect how you interpret the writing and thinking skills of this student? defend your answer?

Do you think a student whose second language in English could write an essay like this without a lot of help?

Did you learn things you did not know about the world from reading this essay?

Does this essay try to do too much in a limited amount of space? If yes, how would advise the writer to change the approach or to edit the essay?

Does this essay help you predict future academic success? Why or why not?

Would you want this student as a roommate?

Red Blood Cells In an Artery