Essay Test: Why Us? Why You?

The following essay was submitted to NYU in response to this question:

NYU is global, urban, inspired, smart, connected and bold.  What can NYU offer you, and what can you offer NYU?

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I’m done being a New Yorker born and raised in sheltered suburbia--I’m ready to get slapped in the face by the unforgiving hand of NYC and to become a true Noo Yawk-ah. While not an accurate representation of what all NYU students think, the NYU Secrets Facebook page constantly posts the thoughts of NYU students resenting the bittersweet independence of such a large, non-traditional school, but at the same time falling in love with the knowledgeable and nurturing faculty and classes.

I’m done dancing around on the outskirts of the arena--I’m ready to plop myself right into the frenzied mist of action. No walls insulate NYU from the sprawling labyrinth of NYC, which is ideal for a unique and exciting college experience. The bustling crowds of the city are reflected in the undergraduate body of over twenty-thousand students--the beauty of it all being NYU has smaller sized classes. This encourages the bundled mass of NYU students to interact and exchange knowledge, feelings, and ideas with faculty and fellow classmates.

I’m done adhering to the safe, structured expectations of a bland, rich school district--I’m ready to think the unthinkable and love the unlovable in a flavorful environment. Is there any better platform to share my writing and have my work criticized, sharpened, and enriched other than with the incredible professors and classes pooled from the twenty-plus-thousand inspired NYU students? NYU’s creative writing program offering workshops for writing and poetry allows me to pursue my passion for fiction, spoken word, and poetry writing in the midst of a rainbow of students.

I’m done carefully taking baby steps forward--I’m ready to dare, risk, and dream as I stumble through life. I’ll bring the naivety and optimism of a small town girl into the bubble-bursting clutches of the big city, and thousands of other students will be stumbling along with me as we evolve into strange creatures called “adults.” My compassion for others and love of socializing will aid me in establishing friendships and a sense of community with everyone I meet. At NYU, I would work to help struggling students transition to NYU at orientations, welcome meetings, clubs, wherever I’m allowed to participate in--I’d become a tour guide and hopefully inspire prospective students just how my tour guide inspired me.

I’m done admiring NYU from a distance--I’m ready to join the ranks of fellow toughened, hardened, enlightened, daring, worldly, and innovative NYU students.

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Rate this essay, from 1-5, with 5 being the highest mark. What number did you give it and why?

If you had to describe this student’s personality in just a few words what would they be?

If you had to describe this person’s writing style in just a few words what would they be?

What rhetorical device does this writer use to structure the essay? Is this effective? Why or Why not?

This student has aspirations to be a writer. Do you think, based on this essay, that this would be a good choice for a major/career?

If you were asked to describe this writer (cf. Male or Female, Race or ethnic background, Rich or Poor, first generation or highly educated parents) what would you say?  If you knew were aware of this attributes before reading the essay (which does in fact happen when admission officers evaluate essays) would any of these things affect your response to it? Are you sure?  Should they? 

Is this a risky essay? Defend your answer.

Does this writer have a distinctive voice?  If yes, how would you describe it?

Does this essay convince you this student really knows NYU? 

College counselors, admission officers and many others --including me--emphasize the importance of “fit” when students think about applying to and then enrolling in a college or university.  Do you think this student would fit into NYU? Why or why not?

Only a relatively small group of colleges and universities ask students to answer a question that addresses Why us? Many schools do not require essays at all. Some use only the Common Application Essay and nothing else and these prompts do not cover responses that address fit. If college is about fit shouldn’t more schools be asking this question as a part of the application and using it to evaluate students? Why or why not?

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It always nice to be able to share a good story. After I posted this essay, I was contacted by Shaun Abbot. He is the Assistant Vice President and Dean of Admission at NYU. He asked if I knew whether the author of the essay was coming to NYU. I knew the answer was yes. A week later I received an email from the student telling me she had been at an yield event that day for  students accepted at NYU and that Shawn had read her essay to the crowd. She was surprised and thrilled. Here is what Shawn said: " I had no idea she would be in the audience today - among 2,000 guests! But I have to say that it was the best part of my welcome to the Class of 2019. The audience loved it."