Essay Test: What Does Help Mean? What About Fit?

The following  essay was submitted to selective universities in answer to the question:

Why do you wish to pursue a degree in engineering?

Engineering will help to improve the life of the peoples in the future. New buildings might be designed that prevent a building form collapsing during an earthquake, saving lives. New space station designs would increase the amount of place that the overpopulated world can live. New medial advances will require more sophisticated equipment to be built. New highways are always being built and soon they will have to accommodate cars that are driven by computers, therefore posing problems for engineers. If engineering is applied into all of these areas then mankind will benefit more from a wide spread effort to improve society than if only one area is concentrated on.

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Rate this essay from 1-5 with 5 being the highest. What rating did you give it and why?

I hope that most reading this essay would give a rating near or at the bottom of the rating scale. The essay has many problems.

I want, however, to turn this entry into a few thought experiments.

Suppose this student comes from a very under=privileged background. The student has been raised by a single mother and attends an inner city high school. The student has taken most of the top classes offered by the school and has a high rank in class and almost all A’s. The school provides strong recommendations from the counselor and a math teacher, but both letters consist mostly of unsupported generalizations about potential, effort and overcoming circumstances.

The student has scores below 500 on both the critical reading and the writing section of the SAT, but has a 590 on the math section. The student is taking AP AB calculus and physics this year and has earned As in math, chemistry, and biology.

1. Given this fact pattern, should the essay still be enough to keep the student out from selective engineering schools? Why or why not?

2. It seems as though this student did not have anyone look over the essay prior to its submission. Suppose that you were the student’s counselor, teacher or mentor. What would you say to the student?

3. Let’s say you work with the student and decide to help with the essay. How much help is appropriate and how much is too much?

4. Let’s say that after working closely with the student on the essay what follows is what gets submitted to schools:

Engineers are working on improving the lives of people around the world. The range of projects extends from improving buildings so that earthquakes will not cause countless deaths, to medical improvements that save lives, extend life spans, and relive pain or cure diseases. Engineers are even working on ways to create space stations and habitations on other planets to help solve the population problems on earth. I am particularly interested in working on the way those highways and roads will need to be improved and modified. There are already cars that use computers instead of drivers to transport people safely and efficiently. Before this becomes a common practice, many changes will need to be made and I hope to contribute to this effort.

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Now, what rating would you give this essay? Would the essay help an admission committee to see the potential the student has to become a successful engineer? Why or why not?

Suppose the student ends up being offered admission at a selective engineering program instead of moderately selective engineering school. Would you be happy about this outcome?

Should the selective school that admitted the student be made aware of some of the writing issues the student has in order to provide mentoring and support at the front end? How would this happen?

If the student enrolls at a selective school what are the chances the student might struggle?  Would you advise the student, knowing what you know, not to enroll in a selective school? Why or why not?

Malcolm Gladwell, in David and Goliath, raises questions about students choosing the most selective school they get into rather than the one that is the best fit. If you permitted the student to submit the essay as it was first written would you be helping or hurting the student over the long term?