The following essay was submitted to highly selective
colleges and universities in the US.
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“Could you attend the parents’ meeting for my mid-term
report?” my middle-school self asked, taking advantage of the rare occasion
when both of my parents were home.
“If either of us has time,” Dad replied as he kept on
working.
On Friday, I waited at the gate and watched all the parents
arrive, but neither of mine came. After another thirty minutes without a phone
call or text, I called a cab to the train station and bought the earliest
available ticket to Suzhou, China – about thirty minutes away. I knew that my
parents were busy working to provide for me, but disappointment and loneliness still
filled my heart. I aimlessly looked through the window and watched the passing
scenery.
I recalled my decision to study in Shanghai, miles away from
my rural hometown of Suzhou. By my own choice, I attended boarding school and
lived with a guardian during the weekends. Meanwhile, my parents lived at their
company building and were mainly absent from my daily life, yet I was still
acutely aware of their expectations.
After the final exam of my fifth grade, I proudly announced
that I had ranked fifth out of fifty. Dad only responded with dissatisfaction:
“Make sure you make the top three of your class next time.” His unexpected
reaction silenced me for the rest of the evening. The amount of parental
pressure upon my shoulders was frustrating and exhausting.
My parents had always expected excellent academic results.
But despite their financial support, I rarely relied on my parents for their
help in overcoming personal difficulties. Since I made my first decision
concerning my education, my mental strength had only grown. Soon afterwards, I
encountered the serious decision of whether to attend high school in my rural
hometown or America.
Determined to continue my independent development, I chose
America. However, my transition included language barriers, educational system
differences, and cultural expectations that hindered my integration into the
established community. Though I was resolute in achieving independence, I
realized that I lacked a key component to success.
A professor asked me a simple question: “Are you smart?”
“What?” I was surprised by his question.
“Are you smart?”
“Umm…no? Because there are many people who are smarter than
me…”
“You were the first person who said ‘no’. You’re smart, for
sure, but you’re just not confident.”
After a few moments of silence, I asked, “How can I improve
my confidence?”
“Try doing something that scares you.”
I’ve taken my professor’s words to heart and challenged
myself by taking a public speaking course. Though frustrating at times, I have
seen my confidence grow in conjunction with my self-reliance. Coupled with a
growing awareness of financial responsibility, I have also realized how
fortunate I am to have parents who care deeply about my progress and
development as both son and student. They demonstrate love for me in a
different way, by providing me with the best financial opportunities for
education. I wasn’t able to see it before but now I realize how fortunate I am
for their support.
I returned to China last summer and found myself in the same
train station, traveling the same route. Upon arriving at my destination in
Suzhou, I carried my baggage and walked out the station. After years of
separation, I was able to spend a weekend with my parents. As I walked through
the door and saw my parents, I smiled. While my parents may have missed school
meetings, I understood the deep sacrifices that they had made for my benefit.
Their support, combined with my independent strength, helped me achieve
success. Though they were unable to attend every event, I knew that they cared
about me. That was enough.
Questions
Rate this essay from 1-5 with 5 being the highest. What
rating did you give and why?
What personal traits come across most in the essay? Do these
traits predict success for an international student coming to the US? Why or
why not?
This student is not a native English speaker. How much should
this weigh in the decision to evaluate the style of the essay?
Should essays from non-native speakers be held to the same
standards as other applicants?
Should essays from low-income students be held to the same
standards as other applicants?
Should essays from under-represented students be held to the
same standards as other applicants?
Should essays from recruited athletes be held to the same
standards as other applicants?
Should essays from legacies be held to the same standards as
other applicants?
Do you feel this student is more mature than many other
students because he had little personal interaction with his parents? Do you think the parents practiced a tough
love approach to their son or something else? Should the relationship with
parents be a part of an admission decision?
Do you think this student could be a good friend to you? Why
or why not?
There is a story behind this essay. I received it from the
student this week. The reason he sent it to me was because the professor
referred to in this essay is me.
He had come to a university to visit and a friend asked me
to meet him and talk to him about schools and education.
I did not know until I read the essay that my words I spoke
to him that night were important enough to merit a place in his essay. I talk
with many students and I ask tough questions. Some people do not like it when I
ask questions. Others react in other ways. But I feel that in this case my
words were useful for this student.
The essay demonstrates that the student has learned, but it
is also clear that the writer is not a native English speaker. Paradoxically
some of the less than perfect stylistic issues are, to some people, a plus. Why
would this be?
Most students who submit essays have lots of editors helping
them. I some cases the editors provide useful and ethical feedback. In other
cases, the editors end up being the primarily authors of the essays. The
phenomenon of students getting ‘ghost writers’ happens all over the US and the
world, but the problem is particularly large in China. There are thousands of students with great
grades and testing and thousands of them are applying to the same set of highly
selective schools. Whether colleges and universities will admit it in public,
they will not admit ‘too many’ students from a particular country. They want to
spread their offers to international student around the globe. For the most selective schools in the US it is
much harder to be admitted as a student from China than it is almost anyplace
else, including the US.
The students, therefore, feel under pressure to submit perfect essays,
as they know others are doing this, whether by themselves or with lots ad lots
of help. Many colleges and universities are aware of this, but despite what
some say, it is not always possible to tell if a student has written his or her
essay. I say this having read untold thousands of essays and having taught
writing at a university level.
In this case I am certain that this student wrote this
essay. It sounds like the voice I heard when I talked to him during his visit.
One thing schools might consider (and some already do) is to require students
to do an interview. There are some schools that use alumni to do this, and some
use services like InitialView, but having a sense of a voice in mind when
reading an essay can help determine if a student’s words on a page largely
match the words that come out of his or her mouth.
Should schools turn down students whose essays appear too
polished? If so should they do this without trying to ascertain whether the
words are accurate or should they base this solely on scores and experience of
reading essays. These are questions I do not have answers to.
Good News: This student will be attending a highly selective university
this fall. I am grateful that he has given me permission to post his essay and
moved that my one encounter with him became a part of his essay.
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