Essay Test: Does the Gift of an Orange Move You?

The following essay was submitted to highly selective universities: 

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She was sanguine in every way. Her gait had a certain bounce that was unique in that part of the world, and she had the most infectious smile. She spoke very little English; yet her presence and expression communicated more than words. This young girl was named Nosipho, or ‘gift’ in English – and she was certainly a gift to me.

Last summer, I embarked on a medical mission in Nosipho’s native country, Swaziland. Over the two weeks I spent in Africa, I met many amazing people who have since influenced my life – Sifiso, Sparky, Musa, Mancoba – but none who affected me more than Nosipho. I met her at Mdudula, a small and impoverished rural village; we spent three days there, and served nearly 1800 people. Out of the crowds – the endless waves of people – Nosipho found me, and became attached to my hip.

    

             My initial involvement with the medical clinic was limited, so I entertained the children. Simple games like catch evolved into 50 children chasing me, each battling to be in the front, positioning themselves for the best chance to catch the ball when I would throw it in the air. Some of the younger children could not keep up with the 10 and 12-year-olds. Nosipho and I developed a system: every few tosses would go to her, and then she would give the ball to one of the youngest to toss back to me. 

              As the sun began to set, the games slowly ended and people began their shoeless walk home. Nosipho approached me. “May I have an orange?” she asked. How could I deny such a request? Unfortunately we were out of oranges for that day, and the second day I did not have an orange to give. But that third day, and my last chance to see Nosipho for an entire year, I made sure I had a spare orange. When I found her with her friends, I took her aside and gave her the orange. I didn’t have enough for all the children, so the exchange had to go unnoticed by the others. Then Nosipho amazed me: instead of running off by herself to enjoy her spoils – as do so many others who can convince someone to part with their food – she went back to her friends. She pealed the orange, and ate a slice; but that was all that she ate. The rest went to the children around her, sharing each slice, and giving the youngest in the group the first pieces. I had never seen such pure, selfless generosity before.

                  Unlike others, I never felt guilty for having the luxuries the first world provides – Instead I found a new sense of responsibility. Just because those in Swaziland have less, does not mean I should have less. It means I have a responsibility to use my advantages and opportunities to help those in need. I plan to return to Swaziland this summer, to begin to follow through on such an enormous responsibility.

Village in Swaziland

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Questions

Rate this essay from 1-5 with 5 being the highest. What rating did you give and why?

Do you agree with the author's conclusion about guilt? 

Do you think this essay represents what some call poverty tourism/poorism? Why or why not? To read more about students, essays, and poorism go here and here

Some educators argue that students who go abroad for service work should not looked at positively as it represents an attempt to stand out from others who do not have the means to go on such trips. Do you agree with them?

Does the student's assertion he will return to Swaziland convince you his commitment to others is sincere? 

Do you think the student learned a valuable life lesson from Nosipho?

Could you locate Swaziland on a map?

Does the student tell stories well? Does he know how to use a telling detail (cf "shoeless walk")? 

Should the Common Application permit students so include photos with their essays? Why or why not? (Currently, they don't.)

Should this essay help a student be admitted to a highly selective school?

Does this essay inspire you to think about doing a service trip? Why or why not?

Would you be interested in talking to this student about his experience in greater detail? 

Would his experience be something that could contribute significantly to a discussion in a global development or global studies class? If yes, should the student be rewarded for this essay if these topics and majors are cited as his intended major? What about if the student's major was premed or some other major? 

Should an essay  topic connect to other parts of the application materials or address things not that are not already underscored in the Common Application? 

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I would like to thank Josh for permission to post his essay here. Josh was admitted to many highly selective schools and now attends Cornell.

I found Josh's essay on the website: https://www.admitsee.com. This website permits people to read all the materials of successful applicants to highly selective schools. To get full access, however, people need to pay a fee. The students themselves receive a stipend to help them earn money while in college while those who run the site use the funds to promote examples of strong students. I am grateful to those who have founded the site for letting me post the entire essay here.

Swaziland