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| Nago Mountain |
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“A good traveler has no
fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving”-Lao Tzu
The mountainous weather-worn sandstone steps stood ahead,
glowing in the warm afternoon sun. And with a soft breeze at our backs, we
started our two hundred step trek to the top. All day we had been walking
around Okinawa, travelling from one end to the other. But before the day’s end
and our return to our hotel we wanted to do one more thing, climb the Nago
Mountain Steps. These steps are famous not only for their size, but also for
the local Shinto belief that when you reach the top you receive good fortune
for years to come. Who knows if that’s true, but why not?
“Come on,” my dad encouraged, “as soon as we’re done we can go
get something to eat.” Looking up at the radiant white mass in front of me, I
nodded and began to trudge my blistered fourth-grader’s feet up the great
steps.
Only a few steps up, I saw the most beautiful flower that I have
ever seen— quintessentially Okinawan, a pink hibiscus—right on the side of the
steps. With its crisp, richly colored petals, lush green leaves and a honey bee
perched on its pistil, it looked like one of the pictures on a floral postcard
had come to life. I wondered, how could this absolutely flawless Hibiscus grow
among weeds, on the side of some steps?
Suddenly, a man, clearly a tourist, in a bright yellow polo
rushed his friends down the steps, talking to them about a Habu-Mongoose fight
that they were going to see later that afternoon. Apparently, they had
accomplished enough after completing a rather long hike and now all they wanted
to do was to watch two animals tear each other apart.
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| Mongoose +Habu Museum display |
Continuing the trek, I noticed thick groves of tropical
trees and bamboo on the side of the steps and realized, there’s a jungle right
next to me! I still can’t believe that it took me almost 200 hundred steps to
notice truly the epitome of a jungle—flocks and flocks of calling, singing,
whistling birds included.
Wondering what could be in that chirping macrocosm of wildlife,
I continued the ascent. Passing me on my right were two English women, speaking
to each other in their cockney accents about how they felt “luckier” after
having reached the summit, clearly they took the local legend as truth. Hearing
their excitement quickened my pace, and with the end in sight, I
practically broke into a run up the last few steps.
We had made it up Nago Mountain.
And not only did I learn that Okinawa has gorgeous flowers, lush
jungles and noisy tourists but also that the journey is as meaningful as the destination.
And now I see that (college name) should be a part of my journey.
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| Nago Mountain |
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Questions
Rate this essay from 1-5, with 5 being the highest. What rating did you give and why?
Do you think starting the essay with a quote sets up what follows? Why or hy not?
What character traits can you glean from this essay?
Does this essay show or tell or both?
Should the Common Application permit students to include photos to accompany essays? Why or why not? Do the photos I have added help readers 'see' what the writer describes?
Do you know more about Okinawa after reading this essay?
Would this student add diversity to her university because of her experience in Okinawa? Why or why not?
Should content or form be stressed more heavily when evaluating admission essays? Should they both count equally?
Are some topics students choose better than other topics? If yes, which ones do you think work best?
Would you want to talk to this student about her experience in Okinawa?
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| Nago Mountain |
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Jackie, the writer of this essay, is now a student at Cornell. Does this surprise you? If so, why?
Jackie's background is Native Hawaiian/Pacific Islander. Does this increase the diversity she would bring in addition to her experience in Okinawa? Should both these factors come into play in a holistic evaluation of an applicant?
I received permission to post Jackie's essay here and I am grateful to her for letting me do so.
I found her essay on the website: https://www.admitsee.com. This website permits people to read all the materials of successful applicants to highly selective schools. To get full access, however, people need to pay a fee. The students themselves receive a stipend to help them earn money while in college while those who run the site use the funds to promote examples of strong students. I am grateful to those who have founded the site for letting me post the entire essay here.
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