E. O'Neil,The following essay was submitted to highly selective colleges and universities.
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“I haven’t developed this notion completely, but I’m finding it more and more accurate?” I ended with a question mark, unsure of what I was going to hear. I felt the moon take in all that I had presented, and a response formed in his head.
“I’ve watched so many generations of species filter in and out,” he began, “that I see patterns made and broken as many times as I circle around you. Few things are forever, but truth is always lasting.”
“Not many people realize this, but the base on which life was formed was a truth to be continually open and never covered up. When life became a cycle and deeply rooted in, man forgot his this way and sought others for easy pleasure. I never understood why, but you people somehow believe life was made to be easy and pain is an unnatural evil. Who ever told you that? I can’t imagine, but they were wrong. Or maybe a group got it in their heads and spread it all over the world, but, before people begin to experience real happiness, a oneness with the elements of life must be established.”
The moon paused at this moment and gave me time to think. I looked away from him and stared at my erased blackboard. (There is nothing more stimulating than a blank sheet of paper.) So I began, after a minute of thought, “Tell me if I’ve got this straight. Nature is a balance of good and evil, of pleasure and pain. You can’t have one without the other…Stop me if I’m wrong…and there is also a balance inside. Happiness comes from this balance, which is based on the truth, correct? I think that I’m starting to see that happiness is the key, and one must be in touch with himself to really know what life’s about. Once this is done, a common bond of truth is felt, and one accepts the world as it is, which includes pain, as well as pleasure. Am I right? Am I right?” I exclaimed.
But I came down from my frenzy to see the moon disappear with the light and hear the birds talk of breakfast and the day’s activities. I looked around the lot to see the broken bottles and the crushed ticket stubs. I slowly got up and stretched. I reached in the pocket for my keys, opened my door, and drove away, thinking of excuses to tell my Mom why I was so late.
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| Li Po: Alone and Drinking Under the Moon |
Questions
Is this a successful admission essay? Why or why not?
Do you think this student is smart? Why or why not?
Some essays that take on ‘the meaning of life’ are trite or pretentious. Is this the case with this essay?
Would you group this essay under the category of fiction or non-fiction? Does it make a difference?
Does the use of Apostrophe add to the quality of this essay?
One of the essay prompts on the Common Application states:
Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?
Does this essay answer this question? Why or why not?
Is a poetic/creative response to a factual question a risk worth taking?
Extra Credit:
Compare and contrast the use of the moon in this essay with Sir Philip Sydey's use in his famous poem:
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