Essay Test: How far is the journey from perfection to feeling like an insect?

The following essay was submitted to highly selective colleges and universities.

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Am I a bug? Franz Kafka’s novella The Metamorphosis, a bizarre story about a man named Gregor Samsa turning into a bug overnight, poses an uncomfortable question. As someone living in what Kafka deems to be the dehumanizing modern society, I can sympathize with Gregor.

The Metamorphosis forced me to acknowledge “dehumanizing” forces in my life whose presences I’ve continually tried to ignore. Time, a mathematical construct, dictates much of my day. Work occupies most of my thoughts, and sometimes my identity becomes intertwined with my sense of duty or my schoolwork. My school and traditional Asian values strongly emphasize studiousness, obedience, and good grades, and at times I feel that validation of myself can only come through grades or an SAT score. I carried around my 2400 in my mind like a badge; I thought I’d finally proven myself with it. Although the congratulations felt reassuring for a while, I started to feel as if I was nothing more than a number on an exam. Who was I proving myself to, and why was I allowing my judgments to determine who I am? Am I a bug? The danger of falling into this mentality is unsettling—but I know this is not all I am.

I am both my successes and my failures, but not defined by either. I am dedicated to my work, but not imprisoned by it. I listen to what people say, but won’t let their words decide who I am. Through The Metamorphosis I’ve recognized the dangers, and—simply put—I will not become a bug.

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Questions:

Is this a successful essay? Why or why not?

Should this applicant be given credit for recognizing the limitations of academic numbers and for overcoming Asian stereotypes? Why or why not?

 Is the applicant not being adequately modest? Does the mention of the 2400 SAT indicate hubris or is it a useful detail to demonstrate maturation beyond being a set of numbers?

 When you read the 2400 hundred number did you pause in your reading at all to reassess your reaction to this essay?

Are you aware that most admission officers look at the transcript and the SAT scores prior to reading essays?

Are you aware that these numbers have a significant effect on the reader’s subsequent response to essays? (The term used in cognitive science is ‘priming’,)

The last paragraph balances an honest self-examination of  character traits with an effort to  escape simplistic labels. Does this represent a significant level of maturity on the part of a high school student?

Should an admission essay about a book or other creation focus more on the book or the personal response to it?

Does it alter your reaction to this essay knowing that this international student’s first language is not English? Should it?

Do you ever feel like a bug?