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| Gregory Peck as Ahab |
What follows is the most famous admission essay ever. It is old but it is still used in many classrooms and workshops.
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| Space Group award winning train station design |
I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and
crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks,
making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic
slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time
efficiently.
Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I
woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles
up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in
twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in
Peru.
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| Army ant biting finger |
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once
single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of
ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am
the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension
bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I
repair electrical appliances free of charge.
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| Rothko Chapel |
I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a
ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy
evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail.
I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I
toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat 400.
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| George Sisler |
My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in
international botany circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at
small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby
Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an
entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item
in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations with the CIA.
I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a
chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of
terrorists who had seized a small bakery. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I
frolic, and my bills are all paid.
On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in
full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to
write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli
and a toaster oven. I breed prize-winning clams. I have won bullfights in San
Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin.
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| Ernest Hemingway and Antonio Ordóñez in Madrid |
I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart
surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.
But I have not yet gone to college.
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1. What makes this a great essay?
2. Are personal statements supposed to true, and if so, how does this essay fare?
3. What character traits can you generalize about the writer of this essay based on his words?
4. Would you categorize this essay as a sure bet, a risk, or something in-between?
I will follow up with my own comments tomorrow.
This is so beautiful...It is amazing and though it isnt true,it makes one want to actually want to see him write someday..I went to college!
ReplyDeleteIt is certainly attention grabbing and audacious! How could you not admit a kid who was so imaginative and daring, even just to see what s/he turned into after 4 years of having their brain stimulated in academia?
ReplyDeleteHi! I’m Samuel from Ghana and I think this essay is simply remarkable, though admitting sometimes hilarious but attention grabbing.
ReplyDeleteThe best of luck to the composer.
This essay is in fact remarkable. It had me so interested in reading it less than halfway through the very first paragraph. It is also memorable, imaginative, a little quirky and some fun. He or she may have taken a risk writing this, however in my opinion it paid off. No one has ever said the essay should be true, although it is not true, it’s fiction and very well written in my opinion. Also though untrue it was in a playful manner rather than a deceitful manner and she/ he was able to make that clear. I applaud this essay and the writer, very talented and at that young age to be able to write something so well thought out and unique, it’s now one of my top 5. Great job. Excellent writing abilities and to be able to catch any audience (reader) at that age is in my opinion phenomenal. This is just my opinion on the matter, however I myself write essays and short novels as a hobby, I’ve helped all 3 of my grown children write their college essays, thesis papers, graduate school entrance essays etc.... they now are excellent readers and 2 of them write stories and poems that have dropped me to my knees. All this because I read to them everyday and they loved to read as well. This kid I believe the same for her/him. Reading to your child daily and letting them read to you, is the absolute best thing you can do for your children. They all absolutely excelled in English and creative writing in all grades and I was so proud to read their poems, essays and creative writing pieces that were great. I often had their teachers pull me aside and tell me what wonderful imaginative pieces they had written and how they were written so beautifully and well above their English and Language Arts current levels. They also always scored extremely high on their SAT’s and Exams in ELA. It made me a very proud mom, and I finally felt like I did something that actually paid off for them!!!
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