Too Big To Fail (Part I)

At this time of year, there are thousands upon thousands of students and parents descending upon college campuses. Most are returning students, but there is that group of incoming first year students who are taking a great leap into the unknown (Kierkegaard would call what the parents are doing a leap of faith perhaps).

For a number of years I had the honor of addressing groups of parents and students from around the world who had just arrived to the US for this ritual and what I would call now ceremony. Much of what I am going to say here is a condensed version of my remarks in this context.  In this first of several posts on the topic of ‘too big to fail’ I am actually going to start by arguing the opposite.

But that will have to wait a bit. For those people about to go to sleep in a strange room with a strange person in the same room (a huge adjustment for most students who are used to their own fortress of solitude at home), here are a few bits of wisdom gleaned from my three decades of work in the field.

First and foremost, have fun. I know I am supposed to say study hard, but the students I have worked with over the years have been among the most impressive groups of people anyone could ever meet. They are worldly, wise, and in some cases way too driven to conquer the world in one semester.

That is a huge mistake. The first semester is about trial and error. It is about making friends, it is about finding where the buildings are, what clubs seem interesting, and what food seems remotely good. Students at highly selective schools are wired for academic success. They would not have been offered admission otherwise. They are the most driven students in the history of this country. It is several orders of magnitude harder to get accepted at a highly selective school than it used to be even a decade ago. So don’t let your parents fool you, their good old days were nothing like the stress factories some of these places are now.  So chill. Life is good. You just worked extremely hard to be where you are. Enjoy what can be the best four years of your life.

You will be exposed to some of the brightest minds on the planet. And I am not just talking about the faculty. That person gently (or not so gently) sleeping across the room is just as motivated and geared toward success as you. But remember, this is not a contest. It is about cooperative learning. The more you see all those around you as resources for learning, the more you will remain open to the world you are in.

Which brings me to point two. No matter if you are the last of 15 siblings headed off to school. You have just entered into what the scientist Thomas Kuhn, in a different context, calls a paradigm shift. You are in a world you may have read tons about, but like playing tennis, you might have watched every US Open and read David Foster Wallace’s specular essays on the topic but that has nothing to do with how you yourself will perform on the court. (I use a sports analogy since at least in the US sports often trumps academics as the trope of choice.) The only way you will get to be any good is to practice (study) practice, practice. You already know this but try to live it. Be passionate about learning. If you do this you will have doors open for you to do research, get internships, and make a mark that will lead to a great job or graduate school. And you may change the world. I have told students this for many years and have been lucky enough to see some do it dramatically and lost do it in little ways, but no matter what  it inspires me to see how people can really make a difference if they are lucky, motivated and innovative.

One of the major differences between secondary school and university is choice. Some of you have over 1000 courses to choose from. Do not stick with the 4 or 5 you signed up in orientation. Go to 10 or 20 classes your first week. Add the ones you love. Drop the rest. And be persistent. If a class is full keep showing up in the front row and be on top of every assignment and make sure you go to office hours and say the following: “I love this class. It is my passion. I will come and contribute and you will see the value I can add.” This won’t always get you in, but you have just increased your odds and also made sure you will work hard too. Do not let a computer tell you no. They don’t care. People do and want to help you achieve your goals.

Go to 10 or 20 student group activities. Like classes, they may sound interesting but you will only find out how good they are by the people in them. Try out for things. Expect not to make it. I don’t think it is in Tina Fey’s book, but when she first tried out for a drama club her first year she didn’t make it. That was a spur and a hurt. But she obviously made it work. She tried again, made it, and since then has changed the way we value comedy today.

Which brings me to my final point. Do not play it safe. I tell all students that if you play the academic game worried only about GPA then you waste the chance to change your life. As a wonderful book stresses ,Adapt: Why Success Always Starts With Failure, we learn far more how to learn (a quintessential skill in life) by failure rather than success. Failure makes us do a paradigm shift. We need to think things through and imagine new strategies and plans. It is the basis for innovation.  The world needs creative innovators from our star students, not passive drones who will simply follow a set path without question.  Failure is the lifeblood of future success. So if you hit a wall, stop running into it. Walk around, dig down, or climb over. There are lots of ways of getting where you want to go without too many bruises. But some actually help.

Embrace tradition, embrace ethics, and embrace your friends that you will make instead of clinging onto your old buddies. Sure, Facebook and text, but get into the mode of talking face to face with the great people around you. They are full of things you have yet to imagine and they can help you become what you have never even dreamed of yet.

I know this sounds all mushy and sentimental. But frankly there are times for this and if this isn’t one of them then I don’t know what is. Thank your parents repeatedly for the sacrifices they have made. Thank your lucky stars you have the chance for an intense and tough academic challenge. Thank yourself for all the things you did to get in. You have earned your spot. No doubt about it. Almost everyone at a selective school graduates, one of the few statistics that is meaningful in the ranking games. You are going to do really well. As long as you work, relax, and reach out if you have any problems. Forget the fortress of solitude. Exercise, eat right, and brush your teeth.

Good night. Smile when you wake up and see that stranger across the room. In a few weeks this may likely be the best friend you have ever had.